Friday, October 7, 2016

It's been a while.

So I haven't really been blogging a lot lately (understatement) and have only just decided to maybe pick it back up again because I've been checking up on other people's blogs, which reminded me that I had my own blog! I am terrible at journalling (laziness and my love for tangents and parentheses) but I do see the purpose for them since I did really enjoying rereading my old blog posts. Also, it's fun to write again, or well, not fun but helpful.

So lately I've been feeling really blessed, not to say my life is particularly great (definitely not by the world's standard), but that I'm really able to appreciate this stage in my life that God has put me in. I am so easily able to recognize all the blessings God has currently given me, however, at the same time I have this slight fear that he will take these blessings away from me. I mean, God completely has the right to but this just makes me have this slight apprehensive feeling in the small back corner of my thoughts poking away at my brain and heart. It's terrible to be already worrisome of the future ahead just because I can see the blessings now. I don't know if that means I have the wrong mindset (probably) as it makes it seem like God is a whimsical God who just takes and gives for no reason. Anyway, that's just what has been going through my brain lately and which has reflected in my prayers as well as I always pray for future Irene, that if she ever loses the blessings she has now she will not be super ungracious to God. I'll like to think future Irene is strong and grounded in truth but my fear is that my faith sits on a lot more shallow soil than I would like. We shall see as I continue to weather through life. However, at least for now, I can continue to count my blessings and try to do so with less worry.