It was getting late. I was yet again unprepared for the due dates of tomorrow. As the unrelenting deadline approached I soon saw myself slapped in the face by reality. I needed inspiration, originality, pure unadulterated imagination to run through my mind. Unfortunately, I found myself in front of a blank wall, beating my head solidly against it. With no other alternatives I reached for the ever saving grace of clichéd plots. Yes, clichéd plots; the horror of authors and writers everywhere. However, I found myself slowly dribbling towards it, fingers stretching out to type the oh-so-dreaded plot. Something my good friend likes to term purple and it was a nasty shade of purple indeed.
It was the type of purple that blazes through the screen like Willy Wonka’s suit. The purple that is flowery, ornate and over-embellished. And I had finally resorted to it. So on my screen the words came tapping along, black spots on blank paper--plot holes and predictable storylines came marching through, followed by inevitable stereotypical characters.
I tried to convince myself that clichés were not so bad, that purple was poetic, stereotypical characters familiar and predictable plots saviours from horrid suspense. After all, what greater writer could there be than one that convinces the reader of their skill in deciphering what would happen in the end simply by reading the first 250 words? So thoroughly satisfied by my reasoning I began to type more confidently of a true romance, (for every epic tale consists of true love, no doubt!) over-dramatic action (what good is a story without the excess violence and gore?), and theatrically worded dialogue (cheesy lines are, of course, endearing). I felt myself pleased with my description of “silky, flowing, golden hair” from the heroine and the “toned, bronzed, golden chest” of my hero, in fact I decided more adjectives would spice it up even more! It was then and there that I realized that clichés were fine creations indeed, that the geniuses that created these formulaic stories should be honoured, in fact congratulated on their lack of invention, of sad unoriginality and overused phrases.
After all great success have come to those who’ve followed the pattern of the clichéd plot, take for example Disney [Ed: or Twilight] the leading founder of overwritten wonders. Romance blossoms through generic stories of Snow White, Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty; holding in common not only in genre but in the hero as well--Prince Charming. It is moments like these that you wonder how brilliant these fairytales authors are to use the same character twice, no wait, thrice! So, Aha! Now we know every familiar characteristic of him and how and where it’s going to end--in the heroine’s arms of course.
It’s comforting to find that Generic plotlines have now made a niche in our lives and local libraries as we succumb to them acceptingly. Nowadays it seems rather passé to read substance novels, and imagination just seems to be the thing of the past. Today the generation falls toward the thoughtless, brainless, mind numbing sweetness of writing and reading clichés. Plots with spontaneity and twists are just overstated after all. Therefore, dear readers, take care to allow your mind to rest as you work on another storyline, make sure the sentences are weak and overused, that the plot is conventional and banal, and your characters flat and boring. This way you can be sure that your story will be well received in its familiar and slightly unsettling recognizable plot. Just be sure to ignore those who label you a corny, overdone, purple plagiarist."
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