I've been so stressed and tense lately that I've taken to gritting and clenching my teeth at night and during the day. I've had to force myself to relax and the concentration of relaxing and the act of trying to relax just stresses me further. It's an endless frustration and I feel as if I'm spilling my frustration and unhappiness onto others. I've been so disappointed lately and I'm slowly turning embittered. It's a nasty thing to feel and this self-loathing builds up inside because I know that being petty, spiteful and bitter are just low emotions.
I used to find a way to avoid stress through sleeping because it was in those hours that I could lose myself in dreams that gave me life in another reality, but now that's ruined for me too. With my gritting of teeth I wake up in the middle of the night aching in my jaw. This dull, pounding pain that pulses making me feel as if every individual tooth in my mouth has a heartbeat. I feel so betrayed by my fitful sleep that when I wake up in the middle of the night I just feel so angry and upset.
I even hate this venting that I'm doing right now. It feels selfish but I have to write it out because my misery likes company. I feel like a nasty and miserably small person right now.
Pray for me?
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Never feel like you can't express yourself because its selfish. There are ways to express oneself without being selfish. From reading what you wrote, the fact that you're considerate of other people's feelings mean that you are NOT at all selfish. Tell God about it. Tell Him you're angry and that you feel bitter. If you want, you can even shout at Him. He is BIG enough for you to yell at(not that I'm encouraging you to, but if you really need someone to talk to and you don't know who, maybe God is your best choice)
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely pray for you. :3
Hope your days get better and your sleeps are filled with awesome and undisturbed dreams ^^
and I also hope that you don't lose all your teeth from the gritting and clenching! :P
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-Matthew 6:34-
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
-1 Timothy 6:12-
Thanks! :D
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