My sister is flying and has just got back to Toronto and needs a ride home. I am texting her as she is still on the plane and needs to wait for all the passengers to get off before she can head home.

Me: Moooom! Wendy needs a ride!
Mom: Okay, I'll let dad know!! Are you faxing to her right now?
Me: It's texting mom! Not faxing! Faxing works with PAPER.
Mom: Whatever!

And my mother claims to have been more technologically savvy recently. LIES.


The funny thing is my mom SHOULD know what faxing means, she was just talking about it with another auntie who wanted to know if we still had a fax machine. Oh, mom.

Today I wanted to post some art to spice up the blog from all those words I've written recently, but my art wasn't very good and it refused to scan. It made me feel sad. and kind of disappointed. even though I didn't particularly like the stuff I drew.

It took me a long time to draw it. Maybe because I am lazy and took breaks in between, and it made me cringe. It looks like a frankenstein of three different art meshed together lazily.

Which actually explains a lot.

I was also planning to give it to someone, but it's not really good. Which should be all the more reason to get rid of it, but usually I kind of like the drawings I give people.



Edit: The more time I spent staring at it in disgust, the more it started to endear itself to me, except for one part. Anyway, I suppose that is what happens when you spend a lot of time on something...

Nervous Energy

I absolutely hate when I have the spotlight. It makes me uneasy and queasy. I realized this in my Contemporary Theory tutorial where we usually discuss the texts we've read that week. Usually I have a friend with me who is extra exuberant and extra out-going that always asks questions in class (usually really random, tangent-off questions that always semi-connect with the topic) while I try to squeeze myself from view or look outside the window trying to dodge the gazes that are headed our way. Anyway, one day she didn't come to class and we were talking about Marx or Adorno or someone and then a question was brought up, a question I could actually answer! However, as soon as that thought popped into my head my heart started speeding up until I was literally jumping with my heartbeat and at that moment all I could think of to myself was: "Stoopid Heart! Why are you beating so hard! Who told you I was even going to SAY the answer out loud!" but all Stoopid Heart replied with was: "BOOMbity BOOMbity BOOM!!!!"

I tried to take deep breaths, I tried to be zen and reason with it but to no avail, I was perspiring and semi-shaking and all because somehow unconsciously I wanted to answer a question I kind of didn't want to answer (does that make sense?). So I raised my hand timidly to get attention but no one looked my way, so down my hand went while my heart still went: "BOOMbity BOOMbity BOOM!!" and I told it that "Hey! You can stop now! I tried and no one looked my way! It's not happening! I'm not going to answer, SO CHILL, just CHILL for goodness sake!!" but it totally ignored me, and because I had no way of making myself relax until I just ANSWERED, I did. And thank goodness, I didn't stutter, or twitch. I just said what I had to say and hoped that everyone would look away or start discussing something else as soon as possible. And they did, and my heart stopped being stoopid. So this story does have a happy ending.

But this experience is just SAD. I don't know why I have such a fear of public speaking or speaking to people in general. It terrifies me when I meet someone who is intense and completely at ease with themselves because they expect you to be at ease with yourself too, and that is just too much pressure! And when they're intense they tend to intensely stare at you and all that focused energy on me makes me frazzled and uncomfortable. That's why I HATE when people speak so close to my face... I mean, why do they need to get up so close and personal? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY PORES?! Ah, I need more defense mechanisms besides trying to sidestep them or moving back or looking down or skirting around a table or something.


Am I pathetic or what?

Shark Attack!

You know that terrible dreading moment I was having a week ago?

And that awful feeling where I forgot to do my school work?

Yup, Premonition. It happened, but at least I found out before it was too late. I was babysitting last night and the mother of the kids I was babysitting goes to the same school and takes an online course with me. She mentioned offhandedly after she got home at 9:30 last night that she just finished a paper for that class that was due in TWO days. I stared stupidly at her for like 40 seconds before I responded with an "Oh yeah, that paper?" and managed to fib my way through the conversation. Trying to appear as if I wasn't a total idiot who didn't look at the class syllabus.

In my defense I did look at the class syllabus but the assignment was scheduled on the syllabus so that it appeared to be weeks after the date Feb 15 when in fact it said Feb 2nd, appearing in a later slot in the table. I totally kicked myself for not reading it properly.

But at least now I am back in the school mode frame of mind. Thank goodness! My inactivity and wandering has been driving me nuts. I think I need stress like this sometimes to kick me into action.

I'm stressed but at least I'm a little more organized now. Phew?

The Day of the Triffids

If plants did end up becoming sentient and murderous like they did in "Triffids".... I am totally going to be the first to die.

I just drowned my plants and its surrounding areas! I really don't know why I can take such a simple task of watering plants and fail so many times.

I'm getting plastic plants in the future. Plastic Cactus plants. Just in case.

WHAAA---??

How can I be on task and up to speed on one day, and the next be totally behind?? WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

I wish something elaborate and fun will happen soon.

Or an epiphany will arrive.

Or I learn to time travel, or obtain a time-turner.

I also think that if my sister could, she would kill me and find another me from an alternate dimension that was younger and cuter.

And I think I would let her. HAHHAA.

Ack!

Yikes. I feel so overloaded and I have no idea why. I keep forgetting to do things and even though I don't seem to be spending my time freely or badly (or too badly) I just can't seem to get much done.

I smell failure here.