Shark Attack!

You know that terrible dreading moment I was having a week ago?

And that awful feeling where I forgot to do my school work?

Yup, Premonition. It happened, but at least I found out before it was too late. I was babysitting last night and the mother of the kids I was babysitting goes to the same school and takes an online course with me. She mentioned offhandedly after she got home at 9:30 last night that she just finished a paper for that class that was due in TWO days. I stared stupidly at her for like 40 seconds before I responded with an "Oh yeah, that paper?" and managed to fib my way through the conversation. Trying to appear as if I wasn't a total idiot who didn't look at the class syllabus.

In my defense I did look at the class syllabus but the assignment was scheduled on the syllabus so that it appeared to be weeks after the date Feb 15 when in fact it said Feb 2nd, appearing in a later slot in the table. I totally kicked myself for not reading it properly.

But at least now I am back in the school mode frame of mind. Thank goodness! My inactivity and wandering has been driving me nuts. I think I need stress like this sometimes to kick me into action.

I'm stressed but at least I'm a little more organized now. Phew?

Abnormal

Alternating between feeling apathetic and full of dread this week. I haven't completely caught up to real world yet and I'm in between "what-does-it-even-matter" and "oh-my-stomach-feels-so-queasy-and-scary".

It's that kind of dread where you wake up in the middle of the night wondering if you had a paper due the next day that you forgot and your stomach flip-flops even after you realize that the paper is due next week not tomorrow.

Or that hanging feeling you have while treading water but you're oh-so-tired and everything below you is so deep and dark, and could that possibly be something moving underneath yo--SHARK! feeling.

Ah, give me the life of the robot. My laziness knows no bounds.

Anyway, while I'm here to clear up thoughts, let me make some quick resolutions for this year.

1. Eat more healthily: more water! more fruits!
2. Think more carefully before I speak
3. Attempt more art

*I really should at least accomplish one of these in this year...

Uneasy

She frightens me because she thinks she's right.

and I'm afraid that she's wrong

and I don't know how to tell her that.

It sometimes makes me sick inside.

Ways I will probably die:

More in a whimsical mood than morbid.

Here are some ways I think I would die:

6. Disease, specifically Tetanus or HIV: being very clumsy I manage to prick myself on unsanitary things a lot. I also sometimes work as a scrubber at my Dental job cleaning instruments. One day I may just happen to prick myself on an instrument that was used to clean the teeth of an HIV+ patient. I will then contract the disease and die from it. I will not want to see my family because I will feel very contagious. I will probably die feeling very alone and bitter.

5. Drowning: allured by friends who like swimming, I will follow them into a lake. Being quite inactive and disliking swimming, I will soon be separated from them. Floundering in a reclusive area I will slip on a mossy rock and hit my head on the rocky underwater bed. There I will drown to my death and be found the day after where my corpse will be bloated and nibbled on by fish.

4. Murdered and Raped: being quite unnoticeable in crowds, I will be an easy target for any sexual predator. I would be on a subway going home one day on a late night. I would have tried to dress in my best clothes to see my friends, but I would still be average-looking with my plain face. This will attract the killer who is looking for an easy victim. I am petite and weak. I will be accosted in a dark space where struggles and screams are unheard. I will be assaulted and murdered. The police will never find my body.

3. Falling down the stairs: I will be old by this time. Fragile and frail, just coming home from the hospital for an innocuous hip replacement or from a previous injury I encountered in my clumsy state. Waking up in the morning I will head down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, my foot will slip and I will tumble down the stairs to my death. I will then be discovered by whoever is living with me at that time. It would be an instant death.

2. Cancer: My family has a a history of cancer. During middle-age I would probably discover mine. I will go through all the treatments, but to no avail. I will die a pro-longed and painful death. But I'll probably be happy to be with my family during my dying stages.

1. Car accident: I am extremely clumsy and have no sense of direction. I will most likely be hit by a car. I also have awful space gage and a bad sense of reflex. Either one of these flaws will lead to my death.

Oh yay.

I guess I am in a morbid mood after all.

Time to think of a happy post!

itsy bitsy spider...

Today I stepped on a spider.

Or I think I did.

Anyhow, I looked down to discover this tangle of light yellow string, that on closer inspection allowed me to realize it was a bug!

I stared at it for five seconds. It was a very alarming experience. Then I gargled a yell. You know, one of those yells where they stick to your throat because you so abruptly made a noise that your body wasn't ready for it. Not a pleasant sound.

However, in the midst of my shock and disgust I actually did want to pick it up with tape and stick it in my sketchbook, but that was after my father threw it in the toilet.

Yeah, I don't know what's with my obsession with bugs in my sketchbook either.

They do look very fragile and delicate though, I guess I just want to capture that aspect of them. Their spinal, stringy frame that creates such distaste and fear in me.