The indecisive me

I flip-flop more than a fish out of water.

I'm constantly changing and my ideas and perceptions of myself are always fluctuating. I have this giant fear that people who first get to know me have this entirely wrong image of who I am. It's only those who are with me almost always who can attempt to pinpoint who I am and what I would do in certain situations.

I feel less real and less true to myself because who I am changes all the time. What I wanted 5 minutes ago is different than right now. What I felt strongly a week ago is different from now. I feel like I'm lying to myself and others. I wish I was more decisive about my feelings but I'm not, and I don't think I'll ever plan to change that.

I've always been someone who wrote in a loophole for myself. Every decision I've made was never with 100% certainty or confidence and every thought I've had no matter how small and sometimes innocuous has been charged or marked with a percentage of how sure I am with that thought. Even when I tell others that I'm 100% sure about something it's always prefixed with an "at least I'm pretty sure" or a "at least I think so maybe". 

Even now I feel as if I'm lying even though what I'm writing right here feels true, but it may not be true tomorrow and I may look back on this blog (like I often do) feeling as if I lied to myself and to others and I will wonder if I'm lying to others as I speak to them because I am only who I am at the moment and no one can account for the me yesterday or the me tomorrow. Not even me, because I can only feel like I'm telling the real truth of my being only while I am right here, right now.

And that is why I always tend to make decisions for myself in regards to thinking of the me yesterday or the me tomorrow. Or at least I try to. It's a hit and miss situation.

It's Complicated

So today with almost nothing to do, me and my sister decided to do our hair. We dressed up in our new clothes and did our make-up nicely. However, we had no where to go.

I was suddenly sad because I spent all that time, money and effort in my looks. literally, money. Money on my face. Make-up money. Sometimes being a girl takes too much work.

So I was pretty adamant that we go out today, even just for a movie. My sister thought it was lame for her to go out with just me, but I have no shame. And I love movies.

We decided to watch "It's Complicated". Not really my first choice but I've watched everything else that I wanted, it was also a way to tempt and pacify my sister into going out with me since she seemed semi-reluctant.

So what a pleasant surprise to discover what a great movie it was!

I loved the character developments, the family dynamics and the way relationships were examined. The settings were so lovely too! Meryl Streep is also so adorable and lovable in the movie. Her laugh is so genuine and nice. I really wanted to hug her. Hehe.

What a great cast also. This movie was such a heartwarming one. And so funny! I haven't laughed or gasped out loud this way in so long.

The comic situations were set up in a way that audiences expected it, but that definitely didn't take away from the enjoyment of it, in fact it heightened the hilarity of the moment. Oh goodness, what a great movie.

It really leaves me with a really nice feeling after leaving the movie theatre. In fact I really enjoyed all the movies I watched this month. So I'm really happy and satisfied. :)